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The Ugly Wife Is a Treasure at Home: True Stories of Love and Marriage in Communist China, by Melissa Margaret Schneider
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“The ugly wife is a treasure at home” is not just an idle expression in China. For centuries, Chinese marriage involved matchmakers, child brides, dowries, and concubines, until the People’s Republic of China was established by Mao Zedong and his Communist Party in 1949. Initially encouraging citizens to reject traditional arranged marriages and wed for love, the party soon spurned ”the sin of putting love first,” fearful that romantic love would distract good Communists from selflessly carrying out the State’s agenda. Under Mao, the party established the power to approve or reject proposed marriages, to dictate where couples would live, and to determine if they would live together. By the 1960s and 1970s, romantic love had become a counterrevolutionary act punishable by “struggle sessions” or even imprisonment. The importance of Chinese sons, however, did not wane during Mao’s thirty-year regime. As such, in a world where nobody spoke of love, 99 percent of young women still married.
�The Ugly Wife Is a Treasure at Home draws the reader into the world of love in Communist China through the personal memories of those who endured the Cultural Revolution and the generations that followed. This collection of intimate and remarkable stories gives readers a rare view of Chinese history, social customs, and Communism from the perspective of today’s ordinary citizens.
- Sales Rank: #1269127 in Books
- Published on: 2014-08-15
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.02" h x .48" w x 6.01" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
Review
“Melissa Schneider brings us an intriguing look into China's love culture.”—Natalie Tso, host of Eye on China on Radio Taiwan International (Natalie Tso 2014-01-03)
“These fascinating interviews not only reveal how some Chinese men and women are struggling to reconcile old marital norms with new sexual and relationship trends, but also shed light on the cultural origins and variability of many emotional patterns we sometimes see as universal.”—Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage
(Stephanie Coontz 2014-03-10)
“This excellent book provides an insider’s view and intimate portrait of how real Chinese people of different generations perceive love and marriage. It is an exceptionally vivid and compassionate examination of love stories in contemporary China with universal relevance.”—Eva Lingxiao Yang, journalist with China News Service (Eva Lingxiao Yang 2014-03-11)
About the Author
MELISSA MARGARET SCHNEIDER�is an American couples’ therapist, writer, and the founder of LuvWise.com. She wrote this book while living overseas in Shenzhen, China. She currently lives in the New York City area with her husband.�
Most helpful customer reviews
23 of 23 people found the following review helpful.
An objective observation of a love culture that tells the story of sacrifice, suppression, loneliness, and transformation
By John H.
To be honest, before opening the 1st page of this book, I was expecting some degree of reasonable cultural misunderstandings or misinterpretations from a non-Chinese author. Surprisingly, I found myself unable to put the book down after flipping through the 1st few chapters. This book is highly addictive to anyone who is interested in the people in China and their love culture. I was captivated by the snippets of stories narrated by normal everyday Chinese people from all walks of life. The book linearly progresses from stories about the older Chinese generation all the way to young children who hold entirely different views compared to their elder counterparts. The author's observations and analysis were often times spot on. I was really impressed by the amount of research Melissa has done to write this book. At the same time, she is very honest in admitting her lack of understanding when it comes to certain bizarre viewpoints expressed by her interviewees. The book's main focus is the love culture in China, yet quite often, the author takes the necessary effort to educate her readers about the historical context and psychology that influenced such a cultural outcome. This includes delving into the darkest chapters of communist China's Mao era. Make no mistake, the author never attempts to inject any of her own subjective judgement as a foreigner. In a nutshell, this book was fun, enjoyable and it exceeded my expectations. It is an objective observation of a love culture that tells the story of sacrifice, suppression, loneliness, and transformation.
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
Couldn't put this book down! Beautiful collection of stories on love and marriage
By skj
I loved this book. In this unique blend of personal stories, interviews, historical and political context, and the author’s thoughtful observations, “The Ugly Wife is a Treasure at Home” gives the readers a rare, intimate, and privileged glimpse into the lives and hearts of Chinese men and women born in each decade since the establishment of Communist China. These storytellers bravely share their experiences of love, marriage, loss, longing, and so much more…Some of the stories are heart-warming, others heart-wrenching – either way, I got swept away and couldn’t put this book down. I highly recommend this to anyone interested in Chinese history and culture, stories of love and loss, and the dynamics of marriage and family and what makes it work.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
fascinating stories illustrating three types of love in Chinese culture
By Peter G.
The Ugly Wife is a Treasure at Home vividly portrays Chinese experiences of love and marriage. Schneider's retelling of these stories helped me understand some of the perspectives my Chinese friends have shared, while reminding me of my own experience in China. Particularly fascinating was the way that the stories illustrated the three types of love as understood by Chinese culture (family, friendship, and romance).
This book brings a personal and sympathetic perspective to a foreign and sometimes difficult-to-understand culture, and these thought-provoking stories made me rethink my own expectations for love. I recommend this book for anyone wanting to understand Chinese culture or simply wanting to gain a unique perspective on love, romance, family, and relationships.
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